Today B threw her worst tantrum to date. Of course it couldn't have been in our living room. Instead picture a packed Gymnastics studio, B in full tantrum mode with all the dramatics.
I am now traumatized.
So much so that 7 hours later I am still upset by it.
Here is why:
1. Insanely embarrassed as this was our first time there.
2. Disappointed in myself how I handled the situation.
3. Feeling at a loss in what to do.
Do I remove her from the situation till she calms down? But then she is only 16 months and doesn't really understand.
Do I keep her home, maybe she isnt ready for the world of gymnastics? But I cant keep her home forever- she needs to learn how to take turns, share, and follow directions.
Do I ignore it and keep trying to re-direct and look like the desperate Mother I was today? But 90 people saw how well that worked today...
I know its a tantrum and all kids do them ( right?) but it just hit me at how fast she is growing and I have to be on my A game at all times...
I know its a tantrum and all kids do them ( right?) but it just hit me at how fast she is growing and I have to be on my A game at all times...
Today is a new low in me feeling totally unprepared for parenting a toddler- let alone a child and teenager.
Any suggestions? Things that work for you and yours?
Call me and lets have a chat! Often (though it might seem silly) I tell Ella what the expectations are BEFORE we get there....I know 16 months might seem to young but if you practice now it will become a habit. Also think about was she over stimulated? Hungry? Tired? Also when she is doing what she is supposed to be doing keep praising her and telling her what you WANT her to do rather than what she shouldnt be doing. I rarely say "No" to Ella in that if she is doing something she should not I tell her what she SHOULD be doing like "it hurts the dogs if you kick them" or "its not safe to climb up there" "What kind of voice do we use?" You may already be doing all of these things, just wanted to let you know what works for us! Hang in there! We all have those times! Redirection, like you mentioned, also works like if you predict a fit coming on get her doing something else like her mind off it...some people believe "they need to do as I said because I said so" that isnt really what works for me, I think it creates more fits and a less independent child.
ReplyDeleteMy niece will be 3 in May. We lived together until she was 14 months or so and she spends at least a full day with me every week. She is very strong willed and learned at a very young age how to "test the waters" with my younger sister.
ReplyDeleteWhen she was around B's age and would start her melt downs I would remove her from the situation and take her to the side for quiet time. The first couple of times it was very hard. I would wait until she had calmed down. Once she was able to to give me a hug and tell me she was sorry she was allowed to go back to the previous activity. After the third time or so she kind of realized that this is how it's going to be and the timeouts became shorter and shorter. Eventually just asking her if she needed a timeout what enough to correct the behavior.
I always explain to her why what she's doing is wrong. (She recently took to running in parking lots.) My poor sister was at a loss for what to do. She took off a few weeks ago at church. I caught her and got down to her level and explained to her that she could get hit by a car and she would be hurt and that would make Aunt Katy very sad, and Uncle John and Ama would be sad, too. My mom (Ama) had the same discussion with her a couple weeks later. It has made a huge improvement.
I've found that with Kat it helps to explain consequences.
Hitting her cup on the car window = taking the cup away
Not sharing with her little brother = will hurt his feelings and make him sad
Playing with Apa's tools = will get hurt
That's what has worked for us. She's still bossy and strong willed, but then again... so is most of our family. But she's learned how to share and I'm pretty sure she's not going to be that weird kid with no social skills that other kids don't want to play with. We haven't had any public meltdowns in almost a year. :)
Thank you guys! Yes, this past week when I could see her getting frustrated or overwhelmed ( BEFORE the meltdown started) I would gently remove her bring her to a quieter area for a minute, let her re-group, give her a hug and then we would go back. She did start one meltdown- I removed her, got down eye to eye with her and told her firmly "No, that she had to wait her turn" She seemed to understand that she needed to listen and went back and acted fine. Thank you for the suggestions! Im sure we will be trying them. If only kids came with a manual! :)
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